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Give me the best joke you have, and I will reply to you if I find it hilarious. I don't want a handsome and fit stud at this moment. I am looking for a funny man who can brighten up my day with his jokes and stories.

When your life gets boring, When you don't feel excited as you wake up in the morning, When you need to jerk off, You can call on me. I know some ways on how to bring excitement to our life. I'll be waiting for your messages.

I want a gentleman who would leave me sweet texts in the morning. Wishing me a good day and that I was the first person he thought of as soon as he woke up. Then at night he'll leave me breathless with the amount of naughty words he sends my way. The...

With the amount of homework I have to read through and make on a daily basis, you can't blame a lass like me to find a way to relieve stress. The way I do it is to pull-up my favorite porn videos and just start wanking the night away.

The best thing about me is that I can still fuck all night long despite my age. Most men I've been with worry too much about my health. I want to have a lad who will not treat me like I am an old hag. I want someone who will fuck my brains out and le...

Turning my long list of fantasies into reality has taken me years and years but I am slowly ticking each one off. Would anyone fancy to help an old lady out? I promise to make sure to reward you handsomely.

Breaking out of the habit of wallowing, I've decided that I don't want to spend the days I have left alone. I've been lonely for quite some time, with only my hands to satisfy me. Now I'm looking for a different caress, one delivered by manly hands r...

When it comes to shagging, I like getting fucked raw. No condoms, it gets in the way of sensation which I think is a shame. I'm not worried about getting knocked up since I had that taken care of years ago, so why not give me a serving of cream pie?

With the kids pursuing their own careers and my ex-husband prancing around with his new tart, I think it's about time that I have my own fun too. I hope it comes in the form of a fit gent who knows how to take care of a lady like they deserve. I want...

Finding ways of incorporating food into fucking occupies my mind like no other. Once the thought of covering a young gent with chocolate and having the honour of licking them clean just titillates me to another level.